A new Chaper

In most people especially guys theres things you admire and things you just hate / dislike

[The Check marks]

1)He said he'd never been in love before.....(ok i thought this was a lie) turns out he was being honest ..the messing around phase was over the heart was settled

2)He said he left that whole life for me( ok i thought this was a lie) turns out he was being honest everything was let go the smoking stopped some days other than that it wasn't anymore than 4 cigarrettes

3) He said that he just wanted to hold me none of the rest ( ok i thought this was lie ..a guy not wanting anything more than a hug) turns out he wasn't lieing..me being there was enough just a hand on his back supporting him was it

4) She'd be my princess anything she wants and if she denies anything i think would look good on her i'll buy ( ok i thought that was a lie..how much money can a guy possibly blow on a girl ..especially if he knows that she wants something real) ok so he was being honest he understood money won't buy him love from me

5) He said that he didn't want to mess around with me i was the one that was the end of that( ok so i thought he was lieing ...doesn't every guy want a piece in some way) nope once again i was wrong he told me that he had been through that life and it disgusted him now...and that kissing to sleeping together ruins the relationship ..because by the end of it theres nothing to look forward to anymore you've done it all.

6) Your perfection in my eyes.. the perfect everything ( ok ya right now your just making it up) but the way he descirbed me into detail made me realize what my morals were and how hard they are to find

[The downfall]

7) The forceful way he came bringing those gifts

8) I'd be more loving with you if my guys weren't here..lol.. if you can't show off your love for your girl ..don't show em off in secrets

9)The way he saw flaws in me...you can't be that nice you can't just give ...you need to recieve to...(I am who I am you can't change that)

10) Your parents don't like muslims so wut the hell are you doing he asks me ( umm excuse me you said you loved me does religion matter now)

11) yes everyone has a past some people have bad ones...that are sad..others have happy ones..you had a pretty sick one..please don't expect me to forget your past...being with you would be like being with a lot of other girls...( i know your saying i can't undo the past...give me time then..i'm not tryin to be a bitch)

12) you don't understand my complications at all ...everything in your eyes is possible...and the truth is they are possible but they can't all be done if you have to respect the people that have raised you

13) you don't believe me when i say i can't hurt other people just because i'm claimed to be your girl..( once again i can't chang who i am)

14) if some of your guys can't understand that your not like them anymore you need to tell them that because i'd only led you to the tap ..you opened the water yourself...i don't need to be hated for your change

ok both lists can go on ...you've showed me things i've showed you things...i don't love you ..but you love me...but i love the fact that you realize more about me now...and you say that i'm the boss and your ok with what ever decision i make...that feels good because i need to progress at my own pace....i wish i could tell you that i'm in love with someone else because i know your not the type to let me go that easily...after all you told me that once you find the one ...you don't let go at any cost...but what matters to me is that when you do find out one day that i'm with someone else and when you actually sit and think...i never betrayed you .. i kept my end of the deal..i stuck by your side...gave you the push you needed to get up and start again...and i know you'll thank me because you've already thanked me when i said no ..and you said i love you for the amount of things your able to show me

And too the one i love..i love you .i always will...please don't see this as a downfall in what we have ..your never gonna lose me...i don't break promises..especially if there ones to the one I love with all my heart ..forgive me if what i did was wrong ..i just can't hurt anymore ..neither myself nor you ..nor him...when this is over please give me a hug ..hold me don't let go for a good couple of minutes...just so after it all i can regain my strenght and have a better us forever