Memories last forever

many people are lucky enough to have someone in their life that they can call their own...that tell u how much they love you..thats asks you will you ever find someone as good of a friend like me....someone who tells u don't worry i'm here...

but others are not so lucky...cause they can't ask for that much love or affection from anyone cause they've never known the feelin to them..and there scared if they get it from someone if its actually gonna last...

i needed to go somewhere today...my dads birthday was yesturday...dinner plans were for today if he didn't have work..but today just like he was with my mom he got called by an uncle and he didn't bother to call or anything...he gave us the choice of comin i said i'd let him know and that probably i would come over..he left no phone calls no nothing...i'd ask my mom to go where i wanted to go..but she prefers not goin there...and i told her i needed to go to my dads asap...and she was upset cause she wanted to go to my aunts...she took us to her house so we could pack our things to go to my dads house..then she asked us to call him to tell him to pick us up..but he wasn't home to pick up ..she was a lil upset...i started watchin a music video for a dance i was goin to do in a few weeks...just to see wut they were wearing something easier to move in..slowly i started watchin the whole movie..and she joined me...later complainin...6:00 i was like can u take me dads not home i really need to go...i really do..she said nothing...7:20ish the movie ended and she was done prayin..and she gave a lot of attitude..sayin really unpleasant things..i asked her why she wudn't go ..and she told me i was a cold person..really different.not hindustani..wow one blow after another...then she told me that she hoped that gods grace would be with me in the future in a sarcastic voice...and i had ..had it..only god can judge me only he can determine how faithful i am to me..i refuse to be accused of untrue things and i cudnt handle it anymore and i said in order to pray one must have a clean ..peaceful ..heart..she was upset..we both were..one thing led to another.she tried puttin my bro into it.and i stopped her cause i cud see the look in his eyes the same look i had when my parents use to argue...i cudn't bear seein the look in his eyes i just cudn't...i stopped her..do wutever u please with me ..say wutever..leave him out of it..and she did ..i came home to my dads...i cudn't stop cryin..am i really that bad of a person am i really? how can someone make their mom cry so much..yes i am cold i am a sinner...but atleast this coldness doesn't abandon me..it doesn't ever tell me if i don't go with them anywhere that it will just take someone else along..it does not keep things from me...it doesn't accuse me or condemn me..i left the house took a walk it was 8:00pm i thought i could go to the park and sit cry..my thinkin place..but no even that is impossible in my world because the cars don't leave me alone...they follow and roll down the windows and say things..confuse me with someone else..or just wanna know who i am..ah yes the ones who wanna take advantage from my misery ..make it a playful game for themselves..ladies and gentlemen no one ...is there when u turn around absolutely no one ..no one..the only thing i saw was a shadow ..my own shadow followed by darkness..a darkness darker than the night itself..i no longer want to be saved from it..i am the queen of it covered by its blankets ..friends family...have no worries i will still be there for you..but the kingdom of darkness i will save you from ..because it belongs to me alone..only mine