k so i'm officially freaking out the month of may is coming up so fast...
birthday
grad
school exams

i'm afraid i'm gonna forget something its my worst fear to not have something done perfectly or for me to forget about it completely

the banquet seems over rated $55.00 per ticket for crappy food but all for the sake of beautiful overly expensive dress you might as well show off for the cost. Most people are travelling in big groups or in small ones all over the place to random events. However, I want to spend my time with the people who matter to me who have actually been there through thick and thin..i do not wish to put on a mask and to pretend they are all important and that we've all always gotten along. Sure I want to have a few conversations here and there as well as take dozens of pictures but that is strickly for memories sake only....so i can remind myself of the few treasured good memories there were with those people.

still in a state of panic

The weather is so dull and gray outside
it creates the feeling of wanting to hide

all this pain inside of me

things aren't the way they were before

i don't even know myself anymore

you say you don't trust in me
but the truth is you never did
it was your heart that you trusted in
remember it like you used to tell me

now i sit here dazed and i wonder did i really glue up your shattered heart
or were we in some idyllic society where we had once taken each others hand and escaped our miseries

and i sit here and wonder. . . trust such a fragile thing it is yet it is a belief and a want at the same time ..we all crave it
truth is i could run around when your turned with your back ..but i havn't so tell me
when did your hand let go my little one?

verse:
Now if I give u me
This is how its got to be
First of all I won't take u cheating on me
Tell me who can I trust if i can't trust in u
And I refuse to let u play me for a fool
U said that we could possibly spend eternity (See thats what u told me thats what u said)
But if u want me
U have to be fulfilling all my dreams
If u really want me baby

chorus 2x:
If u had my love and I gave u all my trust
Would u comfort me
Tell me baby
And if somehow u knew that your love would be untrue
Would u lie to me
And call me baby

verse:
U said u want my love and you've got to have it all
But first there are some things u need to know
If u wanna live with all I have to give
I need to feel true love or its got to end, yeah
I don't want u tryin to get with me
And I end up unhappy ( I don't need the hurt and I don't need the pain)
So before I do, give myself to u
I have to know the truth
If I spend my life with u

I've done it before and i'll do it again
tame the things that have began again
for you see you are searching for things that have already surpassed you
things that are have already realized and learnt from
we are not each others enemie
you and I this battle we are
share some similarities
yet we have not yet come to common grounds
oh why can't you see love is stronger then anything you see or wanna see
we rise we fall

I've done it before and i'll do it again
tame the things that have began again
hold your hand when it becomes unbearable
love allows none to be separable
if all else fails then i will walk this line for you
for you once said we were each others power and foundation
this time we will rise together as one rather than two
for you see love proves there is much we can do
no more you's and I's
no more won't
no more if's
no more blames
no more battles alone

together as one

it was about 8 in the morning on a sunday and it finally hit me
"life is only determined to get worse for me"
some may question why i would say such a thing but it is the truth
2 days and a month from now i become "legal" as this nation defines it
i gradute and leave teh torturing halls of ainlay into a more realistic world that
isn't run on the lines of "he said..she said...and did you hear"
[wait ] let me correct myself it may get better or worse
work drama...school drama..home drama..self drama..friend drama
i think i can rule myself out of the school category as well as the friend and were pretty close to cutting out home from that category. key word [close]
i think of everything that has happened in the 12 yrs of the public school system [good & bad]
family...friends..other people..school..etc
and i realize that theres much more to come
most kids dream of becoming older
but i differ from that statement because i have never dreamt of it ..after all why should I
in the railroad tracks of my life the track that came from the "youth/ childhood" side was very short
adult convos..adult life
and nothing is changed at all it has just gotten worse
my doctor says i have developed a very adult lifestyle in which the busy world consumes me and i run around like a crazy person on drugs [ maybe he didn't say the crazy person part]..lol
my mother sat with me to have a long conversation on how i should slow down
and my father suggested having younger friends rather than the age category that goes 6-12 yrs older
here is what i have to say
time is irreversible if i could reverse the effects of my experiences i would take it back any day
and play with barbie dolls and skip around in the idyllic happy kid world unless your a tom boy which i can be at times its more of a mix throw in some cars
i have reached this conclusion i've come this far i may as well deal with it and lead this adult lifestyle to the best of my ability if not better

i was reading my horoscope yesturday and it suggested that i live and let live....that people were going to be the way they are and probably stay the way they are so wanting a change in them is unreasonable people want the compliments not the criticism....this is all true ok i get it
but i have to ask...if this is what people truly seek then why is it that pursue conversations that may result in their downfall why are there actions not as pleasant to avoid criticism
to this i must say that i have still not given up on these people it is unlike my nature so all i have to say is that i wish these people the best of luck and prayers and when they come across the path that i walk and if they stumble i may stop and help them up but i will not hold a lantern out as i walk for that would be like leading a man to a tap but the opening must be done by them alone if they wish to acquire the contents

Friendship Between Women: > >A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband >that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's >10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

see woman like to keep there stories straight and would not jepordize risking the wrong answer
so they are very patient and do not jump towards the problem ...this is why we have the right to claim and copy right the line "we need to talk"

> >Friendship Between Men: > >A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he >had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 >best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two >claimed that he was still there.

men on the other hand jump towards the gone and fire right away out of the goodness of their heart towards there friend without thinking twice. intention was well but outcome..hmmmm nope..men can copy right the line " what they don't know won't hurt them" WRONG
what we don't know hurts even more believe it or not it will at some point backfire when you least expect it and the relationship issue which you may have resolved might go back to base 1 after the truth is unleashed

asad: theres so many things that need to be done time is running away faster each time ..but it is going to happen i bet everything i have on it..i just hope that you've grown stronger its hard to have more strength than you sometimes..[ your still my pakora/donair] you make me go through all emotions at once ..oh and your crazy [ stupid...idiot..pagal] and i really miss the jadoo ke jaapees..i think i spelt the last word wrong ..meh :P for god sake please make things better with my brother somehow or must i be tormented by the pain this childish behaviour needs to end "who can be mad at who longer and who can cause more destruction to the other needs to end " nothing good will come out of it theres enough hatred around both of you

tunnu: where the heck has this woman been i've not heard or seen you

yogi: ur dad hates me or he likes making it hard for me to see you..grrrr.i'll just have to resort to good old kidnapping

nina: i'm glad your following your moms footsteps in becoming a doctor i'm proud of you

arjjenda: after giving me these speeches on being a bitch to guys and watching you cry on how much you miss Artan it makes me realize that you are very soft inside and put on a mask on the outside sometimes. [listen to your heart]

maureen: i don't know what would happen to me without you...you get mad at me for certain things cause you worry about me and my future happiness thanx hun you really are my other half [ if you run i'll run with you...as well as cry and laugh..fall and getting back up] i have an idea its cute

shaneel: i hope that your happy in all that you do and i forgive you for all the pain you've made me go through..when you feel you want to open up and turn to me i'll be here..till then i won't be calling or talking anytime soon..ps: i realize now after knowing about your family drama why you act the way you do sometimes..please come to your senses soon i'm waiting on the other side for you to walk over a atleast a little

midhat: man ever since you got married i see less and less of you and we rarely get to sit and talk i miss those moments..[nawid all i have to say is this "somebody's gonna get hurt real bad"..not saying u but somebody ..lol

Neelu: i'm glad you liked the design for my dress and i'm more than happy to draw your design for you..i love computers with you ...your hillarious..and if we ever do hit the club it'll be straight up street style..[ although it may seem odd a brown girl and a black girl getting it down] hmm wutever ppl need to see save the last dance

mahmoud: sometimes i have no comment for you ....but what i can say is that your becoming something that is swallowing you and your losing control day by day..i do not wish to be in btw all of this but the unfortuante truth is that i am and always will be ...why can't you set your stubborness and differences aside..do you not remember how good it was when the two of you were together as one your the one that gave him the title of your arab brother ..i know your not a hypocrite don't let your actions say soemthing else