it was about 8 in the morning on a sunday and it finally hit me
"life is only determined to get worse for me"
some may question why i would say such a thing but it is the truth
2 days and a month from now i become "legal" as this nation defines it
i gradute and leave teh torturing halls of ainlay into a more realistic world that
isn't run on the lines of "he said..she said...and did you hear"
[wait ] let me correct myself it may get better or worse
work drama...school drama..home drama..self drama..friend drama
i think i can rule myself out of the school category as well as the friend and were pretty close to cutting out home from that category. key word [close]
i think of everything that has happened in the 12 yrs of the public school system [good & bad]
family...friends..other people..school..etc
and i realize that theres much more to come
most kids dream of becoming older
but i differ from that statement because i have never dreamt of it ..after all why should I
in the railroad tracks of my life the track that came from the "youth/ childhood" side was very short
adult convos..adult life
and nothing is changed at all it has just gotten worse
my doctor says i have developed a very adult lifestyle in which the busy world consumes me and i run around like a crazy person on drugs [ maybe he didn't say the crazy person part]..lol
my mother sat with me to have a long conversation on how i should slow down
and my father suggested having younger friends rather than the age category that goes 6-12 yrs older
here is what i have to say
time is irreversible if i could reverse the effects of my experiences i would take it back any day
and play with barbie dolls and skip around in the idyllic happy kid world unless your a tom boy which i can be at times its more of a mix throw in some cars
i have reached this conclusion i've come this far i may as well deal with it and lead this adult lifestyle to the best of my ability if not better

i was reading my horoscope yesturday and it suggested that i live and let live....that people were going to be the way they are and probably stay the way they are so wanting a change in them is unreasonable people want the compliments not the criticism....this is all true ok i get it
but i have to ask...if this is what people truly seek then why is it that pursue conversations that may result in their downfall why are there actions not as pleasant to avoid criticism
to this i must say that i have still not given up on these people it is unlike my nature so all i have to say is that i wish these people the best of luck and prayers and when they come across the path that i walk and if they stumble i may stop and help them up but i will not hold a lantern out as i walk for that would be like leading a man to a tap but the opening must be done by them alone if they wish to acquire the contents